I dragged myself to my computer.
I had a kind of miserable day. I felt depressed/exhausted. Yesterday I babysat 3 times. I felt very lucky, though. The woman was so nice. She was like - here's the computer, the remote, you probably haven't eaten, here's some food, I know you like coffee, my kids are asleep...
It was surprising after all the babysitting bullshit I've been through, and she also pays well.
I went on Facebook to see what an ex was up to. Broke my own rule about going to his home page ( I don't ever want to go back to Internet stalking). I listened for about 2 seconds to his new song, had no interest in liking it, and didnt.
Immediately went over to see friend A, whose consistently self-centered posts I have blocked. While I was dating the musician from above, I constantly thought about how he might like her, (a fellow musician,) better than me.
I thought about my old friend M, who I am contemplating being honest with, to save a relationship that has had too little of it lately, thought about Googling her, and decided against it.
All in all, the distractions, the drag me to hell ugliness, took about 15 minutes. I wrote, and read about blogs. Read a book on writing.
I am seven days sober. I am thinking of all the things I want to do, and all the things I haven't done (regret has been making an appearance these days).
I feel steady and clear, most days, but when I have an urge to drink, I call someone from the program. I have a growing list of numbers, and I've never experienced anything like this. When I make some calls, if I don't reach someone immediately, I leave messages and within an hour, I'll get all these calls back. It's like there is a fleet looking after me - I send out a distress signal, and one by one, they swoop down to help me.
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