Stop That

I realized the other day that I avoid a lot of things that irritate me in life by taking refuge in a romantic fixation.

Today, for instance, waiting for the subway that was taking too long, I started to think about an ex. Now, this is a guy who I know is not perfect for me - but thinking of the moments that were promising, is preferable to sitting there bored or frustrated.

There are so many of these moments - the subway isnt running, or it is and it is too crowded, and someone elbows me and/or talks too loud (or there kid does, and they think it's charming, and I'm fuming). Sometimes I will even be in my apartment by myself and find myself interacting with him in my mind - and it's freaky to me.

I realized that my tendency to do this can be likened to having a really delicious chicken dinner and then for weeks, and months, holding on to the chicken bone. And realizing that I am responsible for getting that new thing. That I shouldn't judge myself into the ground, either. But that I should, you know, put it down.