Healthy Focus - Forget Yourself Now Darlin' It'll Be OK

Didn't mention, but am going to UA/DA. Slowly  checking out meetings. Saw this article,
http://m.vice.com/read/filthy-lucre, about money/art, and decided to write some.

Also, researched shame/fear about sharing creative work and found this

:http://riskplaycreate.wordpress.com/2011/01/20/artists-writers-are-you-scared-to-show-your-work-take-your-fears-along-for-the-ride/.

Great quote from the second article regarding doing your art, and I'm thinking of acting because I've been making myself submit for productions " Your not shaking because you're nervous, you're shaking because you are alive -- art makes us alive."

I don't want to concentrate, and it's hard to. Even with earplugs in (which I finally submitted to wearing), I can hear all this noise, like the kid outside my window who was burp/talking earlier, like woman yelling at her husband for hours at 4 in the morning: " You USED me. GO BACK TO YO BABY MAMMA".
Also -- last week, I asked a kid who was hanging out in the hallway on the floor above me to keep his voice down, and he kicked down a hair ball that had orange Cheetos powder in it)

It's not all bad - it's just a tug of war between what I want to focus on. Bullshit, or the fact that I have a nice new roommate. The beast who yells in the hallway for his dog to come down, or the fact that I have 2 closets and 2 rooms. When I finally  (why so hard?) focus on the good, it's there: I've been nesting, have money and time off from work, and feel like the hibernating I am doing will produce good results by the time the season changes.

Maybe this struggle with the contradictions in me is necessary - things like -- I say I want to be famous, but I shudder with the thought of being known. I'll be big, I'll fall, I'll do something stupid, I don't want anyone to know me at all.

Maybe it's not a coincidence that I am thinking of how I can do things just to be seen a certain way, and that later, I was thinking that the best thing to do is to forget yourself and serve. To not be self-conscious, insecure and hiding. But to not be afraid to be seen and not caring how you look.