A rainbown of green: Chartreuse, Hunter, Olive /////....

So  I don't really want to write about this, but I'm feeling jealous of someone.

First, it wasn't so bad. I actually spoke to her, and that was helpful (reality-based, she has problems too, I saw the whole picture.) Now, I haven't interacted with her in awhile, and all I can think about is the life I see through Facebook. I've been really living in my jealousy, and unable to see why I thought I was so great.

When I scratch the surface, and wade in the muck, and I know what's going on. She puts herself out there all the time, people are always singing her praises, and when she had her birthday about a month after mine, everyone knew about it. I told a few friends, felt unacknowledged and hurt, then spent my birthday/thanksgiving with a dear friend, and her strange friend (who talked about communicating with her cats, they were so tight,) and refused to celebrate because I didn't really want to talk about being 40.

I was playing it safe, afraid of judgment, being invisible, and it felt horrible as ever.

You have to stick your neck out if you want the crown.