The Endless To Do List

Interesting article/links on creativity and organization, which explains a lot about how I operate (or don't)

http://www.businessofdesignonline.com/time-management-why-you-need-to-be-organised-to-be-creative/

I was feeling pretty critical of myself earlier, but gained perspective after reading this - since most of my problem seems to be follow through.

In School/Teaching

I haven't written about it, but I got funding to go to N.Y.U. for book editing, and started my copy editing class yesterday - it is wonderful.

I was worried because I got sort of a heavy feeling thinking about using those proofreading symbols which I usually think of as tedious, but I think I've changed since I took a course years ago - I actually got into being perfectionistic, and of course, if helps that it's not my writing.

A few days ago I found out I will be teaching ESL starting in July, which is a relief, because I've had horrible summers worrying about money. It suddenly seemed easy -  have a job, and have a life.

My thinking is changing - I'm starting to see how I make things difficult, and always have drama, endless tasks and struggle. I have been reading Stuart Wilde's book, " Life Was Never Meant to Be a Struggle"

I totally identified with characters in his "Strugglers Hall of Fame", to an embarrassing degree. Apparently, it makes me feel important to be angst-ridden and overwhelmed.

It's all very dramatic, and lo, reminds me of my mother, who I am not talking to btw.

Focus - Complete

Yesterday was good, because I focused and was gentle. Today, I labeled "money" day.

I like to do stupid little tasks to process creative ideas I have. I put out about 4 necklace possibilities and then got to work organizing 4 huge folders of old financial papers, which got done in about an hour.

Then I got back to the necklace.

 I hate things not being perfect. As I was going through my papers I got up and started organizing and had to re-focus, by reminding myself that today is not, "apartment " day.

Making jewelry - no - finishing it - is irritating to me. I just like designing them and ha ha - I don't like follow through and have a problem with " finishing". I took one of my necklaces to Brooklyn Charm and it didn't turn out well - kind of my fault for not explaining it properly. It took effort to not to get angst-ridden about how it's not exactly what I want, and I was only able to put it aside by counting it as one necklace. I came up with a really simple design that I liked, added a charm to it, and now I have another.

I have an envelope for jewelry funds that has 6 dollars in it, which is enough to finish like 2-3 necklaces.

Perfection/Getting Organized

I have had free time and been accomplishing a lot. It never feels like enough. My goal has been to have a day  to do everything...and I try to stick to it, and find myself distracted and frustrated and always wanting to do more.

I just woke up from a nap. I feel asleep late last night, but as it is, I love them (a little too much).

I'm going to be in touch with friends and talk, but I just started Googling perfectionism and organization and found this quote:

" We're getting organized," Love says. " We're getting all the knowledge and habits we need to move forward, one step at a time."Fear quakes at the prospect of organization; but fear has a secret weapon: her name is perfectionism.

Of course it makes sense that fear is at the bottom of this, and I don't know how I missed that. After I read that, I got up and started doing things gently, steadily, without trying to be perfect, and wound up sewing clothing that has been lingering in a dark corner of my closet for awhile. (I turned on the AC and watched 30 Rock while doing so.)

After that I organized the jewelry I want to work with, and actually chucked some useless bits I've had for too long.