I am up early. I don't feel like writing. I feel like editing old posts.
So, am meeting with my old roommate today, to give her security deposit back. I realized when giving my new roommate the keys, that she hadn't given me all of them - she gave me 2/3. I feel foolish.
I asked her for the keys, then she struggled with getting them off her chain, and I stepped away so she wouldn't feel bad, instead of making sure she gave me all of them. Maybe she made a mistake? Maybe it can be easily rectified. I'm not sure. I certainly don't want her running around with my keys. I think it might even be the front door one. I hate her right now.
My new roommate is moving in here this evening. I am already not very into her. It has been very nice and peaceful here, me walking around half-dressed, doing whatever I feel like. She asked me if I had a vacuum, I was embarrassed and said no, and she said she'd bring her "dusty busty". I keep thinking of that. She can use anything she wants here - dishes, etc, and I even told her I would loan her a bike. She asked me though, if she could use my computer a few times a week, because her desktop would be at home. I was like: NO.
But then I felt guilty and started to explain. She said - that's O.K, you don't have to make an excuse
That bugs me. Why am I so neurotic and weird about people? I don't have to feel guilty.
A part of me - (my heart?) is like - oh God - just calm down, set your boundaries, get a job and enjoy your summer. I'm always having to reconcile the differences in myself.
I know in the past, I have gone out of my way to make people feel at home here, and in the neighborhood - (I'm Julie, your Love Boat cruise director). I don't want to anymore. I want to be friendly, trustful within reason and just take care of my end of the deal. I have become friends with previous roommates. Not sure if I want to right now.
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