Struggle

Pretty good day.

I spoke with M yesterday and everytime I think about our conversation I feel content. I was honest and she reciprocated and we talked about things that went unmentioned in our time living together.

Today was babysitting again, tomorrow, I start work at BAM.

After work, I was particularly bored. This boredom has been there for a long time, but I drank to occupy my time.

I am looking for a place to either take jewelry classes or someone to make my designs. Small progress on that front.

Mostly researched ESL certification possibilities and made a lot of progress. Yesterday, I was thinking about it on the way home and got overwhelmed about how to pay for it, and then, how to get out of debt, etc. etc.

I started to go over all of my life choices and thought - I would take this back, that back.Finally, I just thought -  fuck it, I'd just like to be 2 again, and take it from there. I went to sleep early.

There's a chapter in How Much Joy Can You Stand - called - The End Of Struggle. It basically talks about how struggle is your ego, making a lot of noise, while not much gets done.