Long Day

I just came back from work. It was exhausting. It's the boy with a hearing disorder. He's fine. The mother is exhausting.

I did not like my day at all. I thought about this guy throughout - I thought about my viciousness towards myself and others.

I have thought about acting and this. How good actors are penetrable and influenced by something, changed, informed and... reflect? What gets in the way is ego. I hope I am not being too vague.

I'm at my best when I recognize the good other people brought into my life, let it inform me and let them go.

My former roommate - when I write, I am thinking of her - she brings out my best voice.

This guy I met - we were involved  - helped me. When I now turn to my creativity, in that sense, I am informed by him. He's not in my life now.  Here my ego gets stuck. I would rather focus on the pain and drama, than recognize the gift, be inspired and move forward.

I know I think of myself as someone who "gives credit where it's due", but I'm not sure that I am.
Ha. What is my problem? It's ego, resentments. I'm somehow caught up in the idea that someone will take credit for the direction my life takes. Just like in acting, I get stuck in my ego, and refused to be transformed.