Yesterday, after my roommate left, I had a big beer in my tub with a cigarette. AHHHH. I'm counting beers and cigarettes right now. It should be 4. That's rational. Irrational is the 6 or 8 its been climbing to.
I went to the city and sat in on an AA meeting. The reason being that the 2 older artist friends in my life all have said - I nipped this in the bud and got productive. Drugs are an avoidance. This is something I understand.
The meeting wasn't bad. Basically when I got there they were discussing treasury issues: " Hi, I'm Joanne, I'm an alcoholic, I think the same person who gets the cookies should get the coffee". I was like, uh. I don't know about this. I don't think I could get up there and say, " I'm an alcoholic without adding (but not as bad as you people).
I went out to see a friend. He works at a bar. It wasn't good. He was busy. I kept wanting to talk and he was like" I'M WORKING". I drank wine for free (more than 4), didn't keep track, ate his pizza and left. He's having a really hard time. He's trying to decide between working on his art, making a living and which one he should be doing. He's a friend. I shouldn't take it personally, I was being an asshole - but I did. I tried to talk about doing creative things and He was like - WHERE IS THIS BLOG, no really. WHERE.
I felt terrible, what's your point really? That I'm not doing something unless I'm Googleable? I didn't show him and left.
So I am pissed off - I sometimes think I set things up so that I am - anger pushes me.- and going to work on sharing it today and get back on the Voice Over thing.
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