Thanks. How did you come into my life?

I am reading over some of my old posts - I don't think its a good idea. So, here I am writing a new one.

My landlord is around. I owe him about $250. You would think its much, much more. He acts like I am: a party promoter, a prostitute, or someone who lives with a family of 5 in a one bedroom. I hate that he goes to Florida every few weeks. I hate that he's here, with his brother and that they yell in the hall, like the whole building is their house.

My next door neighbor K is leaving this morning with her 2 kids to move to North Carolina. She's divorcing her husband. We actually connected, I think, because one day I was bitching about babysitting jobs to my old roommate M, and 5 minutes later K calls and asks if I want to babysit for her. Thank God for thin walls. After that the "doors" between us opened a little at a time: Did I know she and her husband argued? Could I hear them? (No. O.K once, but she was just telling him he/men are selfish and I just rolled my eyes and thought "Tell me about it". )

 She has been similarly harassed by my landlord, and has seen me through this whole roommate thing. She has been warm and giving and totally supportive in a time when I'm for real, ignoring my mom and being very clear about her bullshit and how it - how I have let it - reign my life. I have a hard time accepting that this nice person - who today is giving me groceries and a reference and more, well how do I thank her? Actually sometimes I think I'm the type of person who's like: oh no I couldn't possibly have a slice of cake. Oh no, really, really, you sure? Oh OK. I'll take 8. Got anything else? I'm shy at first, but give me a minute).

She says she is totally appreciative because I took great care of her kids. I did - they are the only kids make me second guess having children.

(Still not going to do it).

I think I'm waiting till my landlord leaves, see if she needs any help with anything. Honestly its not that hard, I don't know why I make it so - I'm going to express my gratitude, or let her know that words can't express it, etc. I am sure that she has more on her plate than whether I get do this perfectly.