They Should Serve Alcohol in This Place

Not sure where I left off - but today is all about: getting a new roommate, going into the city to get a "one shot deal" to have my electric bill paid - if I can - and then going to have a double therapy session.

It is kind of painful to walk by this real estate office that claims that Greenpoint is "awash in 7 billion dollars." REALLY?

God how embarrassing. I mean I know here, I walk down the street, hanging my head in shame if I owe someone a quarter or what have you, and meanwhile everyone is pretty much in debt on a larger scale.

My phone is fucked up. All I can think about is how quality lasts and this phone is not it. Everything feels so dramatic and meaningful; I've needed my phone because of my money and work situation being all fucked up, and what if I needed it to get a job that would save me, and the people at Metro PCS didn't care, and that would cost me, because I was poor, and it should have been quality, I should have been quality, and instead I'm not, and am just awash in shoddy shit.

And then I get down to the government agency for my electric bill, and I was sad, because I love 14th street, and now I felt like I would never be able to look at it the same way again, having done the walk of shame on it. The building and people were dreadful - abrasive, loud, fluorescent lights, people and children yelling, 4 flights up to this room where I took a number (300), to have someone determine your fate.

I filled out a long application, and every once in awhile, looked over at this woman who was casually reading a paper, looking mildly interested in everything around her. This was not my situation. I called the electric company who had said that they would stop by between 12 and 3 to turn off my electricity, and I asked them again to wait, and started sobbing. I tried to but into line by saying that I was number 200, and had lost my ticket, but was shooed away, so I waited some more.

Eventually, I met with someone who listened to my story and she really seemed to have her own problems. I imagined her thinking , "Lord, what did I do to deserve this job?" and again thought about how important we all are, and how we have to be quality for each other, and you never know who you are helping, and this means being happy and grateful in mundane moments at your bullshit job - that you really have to trust - you are fulfilling your purpose even here, now.

I got to meet with another counselor, who told me that I would get assistance, and promised me that my electricity would not get shut off, and it did not.

I went home and drank, and thought about how even my relationship with my roommate was strained, to put it lightly, it was nothing close to what it would have been if I had had to explain that we had no electricity in the apartment.