I feel really stupid. I sent my landlady money yesterday - her son D turns up at my door anyway. He's all buzzed (as was I) and said: Sweetheart.. where's the money - I told him I sent her some and tried to talk to him about my roommate. I even invited him into my home and tried to be all nice - which in my buzzed state included inviting him to sit on my bed, covered in a blue blanket 'cause I was doing the wash,and inviting him to share my Bud light. Jesus. As I write this though, I realize that I didn't completely fuck things. I didn't for instance, tell him I would give him a blow job.
Anyways, I hatched my little plan which was to be brief and to the point, and told him that it was not O.K for him to turn up at my door and ask for money, because he freaks my roommate out, and I don't want/can't afford for her to leave. He got this fearful look in his eyes, got up and said: She's not scared of me, she's scared of you. You took 3 months of her money. Your a bullshit artist - And he left.
Ok, So - ouch. I feel such self-loathing right now. Like - you fuck up everything. No one likes you. etc. etc.
I know I shouldn't have tried to talk to him - let alone the rest of the deal - he's toxic and dreadful and the last time he called me a selfish bitch, and I was reeling from that for weeks.
Also, no more talking to G, my roommate. I went over to my neighbors house (K) after babysitting for her kids.. I told her the basic story. She invited me back over to dinner. She told me she had bed bugs again (we had them last summer), And I'm like FUCK. FUUUUCCCKK.
Anyways, I got home and realized G was home, probably hearing every word. I was like - Hello...? She said hi back but she sounded treacherous. OK, this is maybe me reading into things.
I am going to therapy. And posting my apartment. And getting a job - any job. I am not talking to my landlord, or my roommate. He can talk to his therapist. She can talk to my attorney.
More later.
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