Perfectly Good Heart

I meant to connect with my friend A this evening - I couldn't, we couldn't. All I can say about how we connect is" perfect, perfect perfect - I want to be perfect". (We both like Black Swan).
 I feel, "I know, I know, I know - I want perfect expression of that".

Probably better that we didn't hang out; Here's what I did instead:

I went to work at D's. Out of the 3 babysitting jobs, she remains - I really connect with them. But it was hard today. Just, she is the woman who works for Martha Stewart. I'm impressed, but not. She comes home tired, talks about how Martha likes her writing, "this time" (she looked down when she said it), I meant to connect - you know? It got lost - I would love to ask her - how did you get your job? Can you refer me? But, how do you do that? Still getting to know her and not sure if it's "appropriate". Maybe I could just be straightforward/business-like?

I was so exhausted, (like my acting teacher had said he was at 37)  - I didn't go home though. I thought of A how much she works, struggles and hustles. I bought myself a cup of coffee , which was believe it or not a budget stretch, and forced myself to go out.

I went to an event at SC that was so cool. There were about 8 people there and it was a superhero event to help homeless people. We made care packages for the homeless (toothpaste, soap, razors), that the men in costume would then bring to them. One of the guys said " Yeah a lot of these homeless people are schizophrenic, and you have to be careful not to scare them when you approach them. (Probably easier if you are not wearing a cape).

However. The point is that our task as participants was to make a costume that represents your best gift, your "super power" and make sure it is the one that serves the community and then take the package and give it to a homeless person.

I thought about mine - I think - I am good at making images with words, but was fuzzy about it. Everyone had a great time, but I couldn't really think of a costume to represent this. Is it a mirror? Wasn't sure.

I bumped into B on the bus ride home. I used to work for him - he has an autistic son, and I slaved away at that job for months and didn't get a reference finally because I got into an argument with his wife over my "habitual messiness" and other bullshit, and she refused to sign it on my last day. Months of anger blew out of me like a giant gust of wind --  I let her know that I wasn't her maid or personal assistant, and I left without it.

He happens to be an artist and he gave me his business card - I think he'll give me the reference, ha ha. I didn't know that he makes documentaries on artists. Interesting that we wouldn't have met today had I not been inspired by A and pushed myself to go out.

I gave my package to a homeless person yesterday and it felt so good. We understood each other - He said thank you, and we connected, perfectly.