Mothers That Wallop

My mother told me how horrible I was when we last spoke. It was quite a "mother wallop".

Sharing her hatred towards me was actually the best gift she has given me in ages. It was her honest opinion. I know it is there, but her typical m.o. is to deny it, and have it hang over me, which is worse. I feel it, and it conflicts with my own self-opinion, and I seem to always try to nudge her towards honesty. To move forward, I have to let her and her opinion of me go. I left home, literally at 17, and never came back. I think they always expected me to. Emotionally, I stayed put, under her thumb.

I am babysitting these days for extra cash. Really time to kick it up a notch and do more with my life. (Actually I was working the other day, and I thought, " OH MY GOD. I HAVE TO CHANGE MY LIFE!!") I work for 2 families - one in Brooklyn, and the other is just outside of the city. The second mom is cool and nice. The kids, smart and wonderful. I found myself looking at everything in their apartment enviously: Their wine glasses sparkled!(They had more than one of them). They had a dishwasher. The mom is also creative....   I suddenly found my motivation for babysitting suspicious. Am I slowly, semi-consciously making the trawl towards suburban motherhood? Am I getting away from you mom, or imitating and becoming you?