I'm a Woman's Man, No Time to Talk

I almost bumped into an old lover last Saturday. He was headed down the street, a determined look on his face, he is still completely sexy.

When I met him, I thought: who gets to date this guy? C is elegant, and witty, handsome and smart. It meant something to me that he thought I was beautiful. I got to know him, he told me he was wounded from exes. We dated, flirted. There was a lot of smoke but no fire when we got down to it. He is, I hope still, in AA. I may be there. If I saw things through my mother's eyes, I would say : he wound up in AA. I don't see things her way, really.

I am trying NOT TO. I judge myself through her eyes.I'm not in AA, but if I was to be, I'm almost afraid I'd be done for - not, as I'm seeing myself (maybe too much?) as a work in progress, but like it is all here's where you are, here's what you are, you are totally damned: You are a cater waiter, you are 37, (no, almost 38).

I am in trouble, but I need to believe in myself - I let that go a long time ago, in terms of putting myself out there. Consistently. Openly.